Intel Buys Last Remaining Acronym

Intel Corp Buys Last Remaining Acronym


In a surprise move, Intel Corporation yesterday purchased the last remaining unused acronym for $22 Million USD.

"We found we could streamline our meetings and documents by moving entirely to an acronym-based language," said Paul Ottelini, Intel CEO.

"We hope to increase our overall efficiency by as much as 67 percent in the next year. This purchase helps us KTBR while making this a GPTW in places like EMEA, LAR, and GER. WHT OEKT IAG TTD, IMHO."

Intel's purchase of the last remaining acronym, "WSWHFL" (What Shall We Have For Lunch?) could push major technology suppliers to begin using Dingbats* or Kanji symbols to satisfy future acronym needs. New Intel guidelines for conduct will require employees to converse entirely in acronyms by the end of third quarter, 2011.

"WATCTTE," said Otellini, meaning "We are entirely committed to this effort."
He added, " RSN WMTH, STFU," driving his point home further.

IBM CEO, Sam Palmisano responded, "That's FUBAR, WTF?" a sentiment shared by other technology CEOs WW.

In response, Apple head honcho, Steve Jobs, banned all acronym usage, changing the iPOD name to "infinitesimally-small portable over-the-ears listening device." Apple representatives did not respond to inquiries for this story. 

With fully 44 percent of the acronym library now owned by Intel, they stand to reap millions of dollars suing companies who use acronyms in their products.

"WFTIAGM, LOL"" said Otellini, wrapping up his statement, "TTYL , BRB!"

This statement was misunderstood by a local reporter, who attempted the Heimlich Maneuver (HM) on Otellini, and was immediately arrested for assault.

"TGTO," said Otellini, apparently happy that the fracas was over.

Intel announced plans to publish a 1,400 page communications dictionary (CD)  to aid the press in understanding future press releases  (FPR). New branding efforts  (NBE)  will banish the long-standing Intel "dropped-e" logo for a simple capital I, saving the company millions of dollars in blue ink.